And the nominees are...

The nominees for best actress in a drama are:

Mid-life crisis on a flower print comforter:

Starring the inconsolable aging woman writhing in pain in her bed in the one bedroom apartment on the extremely wrong side of town.

As she attempted to do her laundry, she was overcome with Satan’s wrath in the form of abdominal pain. Debilitated, she struggled to traverse the 600 sq. ft. apartment to collapse in bed and wait for paramedics, prayers swimming in her anxious mind, demons attempting to steal her soul before her very eyes.

She wrestled the sheets, half-dressed in a T-shirt and underwear, as the paramedics entered the apartment. Family had already been summoned and the nephew, clad in the light purple shirt, with dark purple pants, purple loafers, and purple socks escorted the way the room of despair.

Snot dangled from her nose as she clutched her stomach. Questions were asked but no responses were given, due to the extreme nature of the recurrent, undiagnosable, incurable disease she had been mysteriously afflicted with. Her stomach hurt and her true despair of why this was happening to her flowed as tears from her eyes.

But, the paramedic had been there before. And so had his partner, multiple times. The cards were placed on the table and her hand was called. She insisted she couldn't stand and walk, but then stood and walked. With the power of Jesus and prayers from the purple man, she transcended human suffering and walked with Jesus to the ambulance.

And...drug seeker dancing on the wood floor:

She was young, she was attractive, she was on her way up in this world and she was addicted to prescription meds.

She had timed everything out perfectly. The cards were falling into place and like a jewel thief cracking a safe, her plan was coming to fruition. The husband was due home soon, the son was fed and playing in the other room, and her story was straight.

She picked up the phone, dialed 911 and sobbed her painful story to the voice on the other end. Occasionally, writhing from the extreme abdominal pain she excused herself as she attempted to vomit. Nothing came up, but the noise was impeccable. She unlocked the door, opened it slightly, took a Valium -her last one from all her bottles and waited for the sirens in the distance.

The doors from the fire engine and ambulance closed and she prepared herself. Dropping to the wood floor she cuddled into fetal position and squirmed like a tortured prisoner. She coughed violently, attempting to produce any bile from her stomach. She wiggled painfully as she evaded all questions. Generalizing her answers, she screamed in pain when, from the corner of her eye, she noticed anyone paying any semblance of attention.

As if she were on a bed of hot coals, she was sternly instructed that she needed to stay on the bed. She was seat belted in and after realizing her game of charades was not working, crawled into her mental cocoon and feigned unconsciousness.

At arrival to the ED she summoned everything she had in a last attempt to show everyone how much pain she was in. The coughing and false dry heaving returned. Moans, and screams at every bump, announced her arrival. She fought the seatbelts and did acrobatics in the bed. She cried, screamed and suddenly passed out.

Report was given. And as her vitals were given, to include a heart rate of 60 beats per minute in this distraught woman, she pleaded for someone to give her something for the pain.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Wow, I think I know both these women!! Any chance these two DRAMA queens can share the nomination? As usual, you never dissapoint and please keep up the good work my friend. Purple loafers......really???
Unknown said…
and what about best actor, along with best supporting actress/actor
Man, your sarcasm is an ART FORM.
"Proximity Pain", seen plenty, ignored often. Great post! Given any more thought to publishing?

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